if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize