just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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