new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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