I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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