P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
