Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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