the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
