the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
