Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
