and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We talked him into tasing himself.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize