He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
