Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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