oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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