Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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