just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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