fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
