Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
