break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You left your phone here
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