I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize