Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
