I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
