"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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