Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
