There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
