My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
