how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
