$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
