what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
