i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
