She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
