We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
