Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she told me i tasted like america
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
