I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
