Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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