He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
