please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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