and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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