Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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