if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
