My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
