there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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