whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
