I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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