3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize