he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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