Walk of Shame. In a state park.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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