Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
