I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
