it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
