Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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