It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
