Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
