we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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