I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
