he puts the penis in happiness.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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