i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
