help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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