I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
