Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
