there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
