Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
