My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
