nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize