She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
