it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
