I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
