I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
