Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
