you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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