it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm like, not good at living.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
